i would punch a child for taco bell
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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