So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
