I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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