u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
