i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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