Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
