I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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