My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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