tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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