Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
