This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
