from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
