new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
