I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
