Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize