i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
