I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
