found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
