She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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