how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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