I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
