video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I currently don't understand fingers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
