hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
