chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
