He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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