What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
