I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
