i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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