WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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