I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
