So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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