Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
