he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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