so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.