Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.