If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered