woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left