Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
