I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
