The best revenge is premature balding
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
