the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
