dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
