8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
