weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
