he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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