Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pants are for mortals
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
