I accidentally burped into my bong.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
