Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
