I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
