I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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