just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
