The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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