what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
