I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This house was built for laser tag.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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