best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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