I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
