Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
