I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
