You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
