you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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