all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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