A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
