i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I look better un-naked...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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