I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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