i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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