Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
