he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
