And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
