We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She needs sedatives and a leash
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
