remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
