he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
