We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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