I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
