At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
