need another drink. this is the easiest way
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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