It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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