I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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