u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
