I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
