between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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