She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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