Swine flu is the new snow day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
