I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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