I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
