my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
