I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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